


The Burnt Biscuit

by ladymoonray



Category: Being Human (UK), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 16:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/942054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymoonray/pseuds/ladymoonray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil has to find a new coffee shop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Burnt Biscuit

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the AU/Crossover workshop at Nine Worlds. The challenge was to use at least two fandoms and at least one AU from a list compiled from audience suggestions. I chose Welcome to Night Vale, Being Human (UK), and coffeeshop AU.

Cecil dropped by The Burnt Biscuit to get a latte on his way to work. He'd never been there before, but his usual branch of Starbucks was now full of hooded figures, milling about menacingly. He thought he'd better look for a new regular place, and The Burnt Biscuit was on his route, if you took into account the small glow cloud which had taken up residence at the end of Main Street and was probably best avoided.

As he pushed the door open, Cecil thought he saw the aproned barrista hurriedly pushing a bloodied corpse under the counter, but he must've been mistaken. After all, those stains on the dark-colored apron could've been anything. Hot chocolate, or spilled coffee, or jam from a carelessly-bitten donut. Certainly there were no other customers in the place, and what barrista wouldn't nibble the merchandise if given the opportunity?

The door slammed menacingly behind Cecil.

"Annie!" scolded the barrista, eyeing the door.

"No, I'm Cecil. You may have heard of me? I'm the voice of Night Vale Radio."

"Ah. No of course I won't eat him," said the barrista, looking at the door again. He finally turned his gaze on Cecil. "What can I get you?"

"Grande soy gingerbread latte," said Cecil.

As he waited, Cecil absent-mindedly mixed up the sugar and salt packets.

He decided to sit down for a while with his latte. After all, the voice of Night Vale Radio didn't need to rush.

He could've sworn that the barrista was rolling his eyes and sighing, but that couldn't possibly be true. Such poor customer service would never occur in America.

Wait, the barrista had disappeared! Where had he gone? Cecil could swear that neither of the doors had opened. He blinked. The barrista was back, wiping red stuff off his chin. He must have that donut under the counter!

The door opened. And closed again. Nobody entered. The barrista grinned. Cecil caught a flash of fang. He decided to leave.

Feeling generous, Cecil gave The Burnt Biscuit a plug on the show that afternoon. It had been a very nice soy gingerbread latte, even if it did taste a little odd. But despite his best efforts, Cecil never encountered anyone else in The Burnt Biscuit on his daily visit. He began to worry that his new coffee joint wouldn't last. But it was as immovable as the small glow cloud at the end of Main Street.

Cecil grew curious, and decided to recruit Carlos and his team of scientists (and his perfect hair), to stake out the place one evening. The Burnt Biscuit must be a front for something. Maybe the angels (who only lie, and also do not exist) were involved.

The next day, Carlos' team of scientists was seriously depleted. Thankfully, Carlos' perfect hair was not.

Carlos and Cecil never visited The Burnt Biscuit again. Cecil found a new route to work, gave up coffee, and took up bodybuilding as his new hobby.

**Author's Note:**

> I was also trying to do an evil characters AU, but I couldn't make Cecil do anything more evil than mixing up the sugar and salt packets. And I couldn't make Annie evil at all.


End file.
